nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.” Psalms 139:20
We could comfortably cling to the offense or wrongness of others as a right for our negative feelings or even as a right for our adverse postures against others.
David may have had all the reasons for feeling this way (or maybe He didn’t), but David did not took his reasoning as a right to justify such feelings. Having recognized such dark feelings, he couldn’t help but to question if he might have mishandled them in some way. His greatest concern was anything that could not be pleasing to God—starting with himself.
David had no problem recognizing his thoughts and feelings. Not even his dark, dark feelings. He was certain God knew about them anyways.
He goes about in the first part of the chapter reflecting on God’s omnipresence and onniscience power. He recognized that God knew everything about him and that nothing could be hidden from Him. To try to that would just be foolish.
Therefore, he didn’t think twice before confessing them to God. But, it didn’t stop there. David also wanted to make sure that his thoughts or feelings were not offensive or wrong in someway. And not only that, but If there was any good in him, he wanted to have proof by passing a test.
Perhaps this is why David was said to be “a man after God’s own heart”.
He didn’t settle with his imperfections or excused them rather he pursued with upmost interest to please God in doing the right thing. The man with the faith and confidence to defeat a Giant was also able to place doubt toward himself in order to ascertain his heart was being kept pure and righteous.
David not only defeated big, tall soldiers. He also defeated those unobserved giants that can slowly drive us into a deceitful, self-righteous and prideful heart—the ones that ended up distancing Saul from God.
Are we really being intentional about being honest with God or are we afraid to expose our darkest thoughts and feelings? You may try to conceal them from others or from yourself, but God knows them anyway. Let God be your healer and light in this way also.
If I loose the ability to screen myself, what is left? Surely, my walk with God will never be the same and, without knowing it, darkness will gradually override me. But, if I maintain an ability to question myself against God’s Word, I can stay real and approved in my realtionship with God as I fix also whatever was found faulty in me.
